And Let Die
by BlondeChick2009
Summary: Senseless. That's how he feels. But that's a damned lie because she's everywhere. Sequel/Companion piece to To Live.
1. Chapter 1

**Here we go. The sequel or companion piece to To Live (Beth's drabbles). You can read them in any order, honestly. Please enjoy!**

**Sight**

They say that when you're angry, you 'see red'.

But the red that Daryl is seeing now just has him feeling sick with shock, grief, and finally: emptiness.

It's the emptiness and that shiny spattering of red across the wall and Beth's pale skin and blonde hair that triggers the gun in his hand. The red surrounding the cop's head doesn't even faze him.

The graceful arc of Beth's falling body draws his eyes over her frame. Her dirty yellow cardigan and blue jeans on her unmoving body swim in his vision.

He doesn't even see the hallways and stairwells as he carries Beth into the daylight.

He doesn't see Maggie collapsing in grief, even though he's also hyper aware of it.

He doesn't see the shake of Rick's head or the sorrow bowing everyone else's.

He just sees the little face pressed against his chest and the red running from the bullet hole.

All he wants to see is blue.

…

_She's scrawny as anything. Her thinness is the only thing he can see because it translates to weakness in his mind. Beth is not like Maggie or Michonne. There's no muscle definition that belies weakness. There is only softness and, if he were being honest, a loveliness that makes him feel guilty. Like he is somehow responsible for this shitty, bloody world being forced on the Sun._

_He had never truly looked at Beth until they were ostensibly the only ones left from the prison. He had never really seen her cry except maybe at her farm. All he knew was the yellow pony tail that sometimes whisked by._

_But now tear tracks slide through the grime on her face, and he blinks and looks away because he shouldn't be privy to her feelings. He finds that he misses something about her. Blue eyes and flushed cheeks and a sweet as pie smile. He must have seen all this before, and decides he wants to see it again._

…

Once upon a time, Daryl would have noted every tree he passed by. He would have noticed the slightest deviation in his group's stride. He'd have noticed the squirrel weaving away from the approaching footsteps.

Once upon a time, Daryl would have had a reason to see all these things and more.

But now he just sees blurred colors, and shadows growing and receding, and the passing of the days as the group moves on. Away from his only source of hope.

…

_His eyes are blurred with tears he's trying to fight off. His voice is stuck and he turns away, unable to look at Beth after hurting her. _

_And then there is fire, leaping, roaring, cathartic fire, that burns the tears away._

_And then there is understanding. There is a smile on Beth's face, and her big eyes flash at him._

_There is an ethereal glow. Golden and warm on the beautiful face before him and all Daryl can think is maybe he's got a home again._

_Finally there are taillights and a white cross that will haunt his dreams for days to come._

…

The cigarette branding his hand doesn't even make him blink. The impending storm means little to him. Nothing ahead matters.

When she died, Daryl saw the future die with her.


	2. Chapter 2

**I really like this one~**

Touch~

Not exactly numb, but not all there.

He can feel the weight of the crossbow in his arms, can feel it jerk when he releases an arrow. He can feel the skipping of his heart when a walker comes too close. He can feel the heavy listlessness on the air as the group scrounges for water.

The dull ache in his throat demands his attention. His skin feels dry. The sun beats down.

He has no trouble feeling any of these things.

He just doesn't fucking care.

...

_As soon as the mason jar is in his hand, Daryl knows this foray with Beth into the sins of moonshine won't end well._

_Scratch that. The moonshine feels like heaven searing down his throat. His head buzzes pleasantly, and just for a second, he forgets the end of the world is upon them._

_No, it's as soon as little Beth Greene starts jabbering about some dumb high school drinking game, that Daryl knows this won't end well._

_And it doesn't. The feel of her pulling and straining away from his arms and the crossbow doesn't stop him from screaming at her. Finally, he lets her go, lets his arms free of the spitting burden. Hot anger and fear are crashing together inside and he feels so…hopeless._

_But those tiny arms around his waist, they smother the swell of anguish. Strength he never expected pulls him back against her, and he's aware of her face pressed against his back. And the sadness rushes out._

…

The rain is a gift. It's not hard to see or understand. But he's still miserable. Even when he imagines it's a gift from her. Cool, sweet, relieving: a blessing. Maybe imagining the rain is from Beth is the problem, because now all he thinks of is tears.

The storm is sudden, and those black clouds denote something wicked. Daryl knows those clouds. You don't live in the south not knowing what twister weather looks like. Somehow, though, he feels almost like smiling. He feels the weather's rage as Beth's own. Like she's pissed he wouldn't accept her glass of water.

He leads the group to the barn he saw earlier in the day, and thanks her silently for the shelter.

…

_A serious piggy back it may be, but Daryl only feels light on his feet and free in his heart. Beth's arms around his neck assure him that she's going to be alright. He's going to take care of her._

…

The music box under his fingers causes Daryl to work slowly. Delicate and fine, any rough handling might break the thing completely. But he knows he can get it to work again. It's simply a matter of patience and careful operation.

He gives the box to Maggie when it's done, and the knot in his guts loosens infinitesimally.

…

_Embarrassment is warm on his face as Beth looks back at him across the candlelight. Daryl feels his mumbles constrict in his throat and a new kind of fear flutter his heart._

_But then she's gone and pavement beneath his feet surpasses whatever pounding his heart could muster._

…

Daryl taps his finger on his bow to a well-known beat as the group hatefully contemplates the new-comer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sound~**

_"So fill to me the parting glass,  
Goodnight, and joy be with you all."_

Daryl's eyes snap open as the echo of his dream fades.

The tears threaten him harder than ever. Everywhere the group roams, he hears Beth's songs. Whether they are guiding him, or haunting him, Daryl feels like they're driving him mad. Not even the twenty-one days between then and now have muted the record in his head. Beth's voice has been on repeat since they left Georgia.

He doesn't know if he prefers the singing dreams, or the ones that end in light and a gunshot.

Daryl climbs to his feet, deciding on whether or not to hunt or keep watch. His foot knocks into his meager pack, and he hears the light tinkle of the music box. His decision is made.

…

_"And we'll buy beer to shotgun,  
And we'll lay in the lawn,  
And we'll be good."_

_The piano and her voice lull him into a drowsy relaxation he hasn't felt since the good days of the prison. When she stops and argues with him about the coffin, he just asks her to play some more. She does. And they're good._

…

The music box works again. Daryl doesn't know the song, but he pretends Beth would, and that she would sing the lyrics to them all.

It's not long until he hears it outside, playing for Maggie. And it's not long after that that an incongruent voice disrupts the semi-peace.

…

_"Don't uhh-uh. What changed your mind?"_

_Such a simple question in such dulcet tones strikes terror into Daryl Dixon's chest._

_He feels himself panicking as the silence bears down between them. His face is aflame as he thinks of just saying it: You. You did._

_But it's stuck in his throat because his imagination is a thousand miles ahead of him, showing him Beth flinching from his gruff confession. _

_So he just looks at her and prays she can read it in his eyes and that she won't be disgusted._

_"Oh."_

…

Alexandria. The walls aren't ideal to Daryl. But he likes and trusts Aaron well enough, and knows Rick does, too. He supposes he'll follow along for now at least.

Until within a few days of their arrival, there's already trouble with the leader's son. Blood thumps in his ears as he paces back and forth, wanting to act, wanting to get out, aching to go backwards and change everything that happened.

Wanting Beth back.

Because hearing her when she's not there and will never be there again isn't making him crazy. It's killing him.

…

_"You've gotta hold on, hold on..."_


End file.
